Why? Why Me? When will the other person realize his/her mistake? Why should I be the one forgiving?
Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger. Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a
conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance
toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they
actually deserve your forgiveness.
Just as important as
defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what
forgiveness is not. Experts who study or teach forgiveness make
clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of
an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean
condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged
relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed
you or release them from legal accountability.
Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.
With this understanding in place, here are at least eight reasons
to forgive. Which of these are in your conscious awareness when you offer this
virtue to those who have wronged you?
When I forgive, I do so:
1.
To become emotionally healthier. Forgiving can reduce unhealthy anger.
2.
To repair relationships as it helps me to see the other’s
worth.
3.
To grow in character because it can help me to become a better
person.
4.
To be of assistance, within reason, toward the one who acted
unjustly. Forgiveness extends the hand of friendship even though the other
may reject this.
5.
To help me to assist other family members to see that forgiveness
is a path to peace. Forgiveness for peace, in other words, can be passed
through the generations.
6.
To motivate me to contribute to a better world as anger does not
dominate.
7.
To help me to more consistently live out my philosophy of life
or faith tradition if that worldview honors forgiveness.
8.
To exercise goodness as an end in and of itself regardless of how others
react to my offer of forgiving.
To forgive is to exercise goodness even toward those who are not good to
you. Forgiveness is perhaps the most heroic of all of the moral virtues
(such as justice, patience, and kindness, for example). I say it is heroic
because which other moral virtue concerns the offer of goodness, through one's
own pain, toward the one who caused that pain? Do you see this—the heroic
nature of forgiving—as you extend it to others?
Here I am attaching a link to Forgiveness Meditation to help you to
forgive
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